bpd relationship destroyed mebpd relationship destroyed me

your notes helped me a lot. If you are a good person, your kid, in the end, will go to you again. I have 10% of friends I had at the beginning of the relationship. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. not just emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security). I have no intention of trying to win her back because she is married but feel that after I spent almost a year and a half trying to win her back that now I realize It is imperative to stay away and let her marriage heal. This is because the person with BPD cannot tolerate the bad feelings within themselves and needs to discharge them in an attempt to feel good about themselves. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder characterized by many symptoms, including chronic challenges with maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships, feelings of low self-worth, impulsivity, and volatile moods. So, you write that those with mental illness are not worthy of love. It is a dehumanization and stigma that neither those who struggle with mental challenges nor the rest of society benefit from. I was attracted to my wife for several reasons. Wes spoken about moving in together and spending the holidays together. Here is what I wish I had known before dating my ex-girlfriend, who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder: Theyre in constant need of attention and. When you meet someone you think might be perfect for you, wait until a few months have passed and see how things are going. She will thank you in the long run. Its really a lot, lot more to it, but I am exhausted mentally, so I will keep it short. I am atheist, but my parents are catholic and event them, hating my girlfriend, would not forgive me that. How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. They tend to fear abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for them to have stable long-term relationships. I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. We had a huge fight the day before I left and I was planning on breaking up with she said absolutely TERRIBLE things to me like wishing that I got AIDS. That is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information. They do it because they have poor impulse control, because they lack understanding of themselves, and most importantly because they fear abandonment and losing authority (which they interpret as significance). To them, relationships are battles of power. Has she just begun seeing another man; Does she frequently go on and on about her ex-boyfriend; Does she exhibit erratic behavior that makes absolutely no sense; Take your time to get to know someone before believing they are the one or thinking something is meant to be. It does not make us monsters. The borderlines partner can feel blamed for being the problem. I had to cook or organize food. Always grateful. I am not like this at all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get clingy but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie. Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. I'm happy that I was "released" so early and I dodged a bullet. You can tell a person has a borderline personality disorder when he or she verbally or non-verbally goes to extremes and struggles to remain calm and collected. While I understand that youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that you are wasting your energy in public like this. . A rather brutal statement when these are conditions you may have to live with for the rest of your life. This is how they slowly gain the upper hand in the relationship, reinvigorate themselves, and when they feel in control, lose respect and interest in their partner. GF: "Well, Thailand.. The problem is that people in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these. 1. She had already destroyed our entire family by this point, and she never even got the treatment! The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. She forced me to gave all my passwords, and block most of my friends. Just like the domestic violence situation. BPD Wife Ruined My Life |10 Things You Could Have Avoided, For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. Love is almost useless, love cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, and communication breakdown. She was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them. Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. In extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person sees themselves and others. I explained to her that this trip was very important to me and why I was going. In couples counseling, the borderline partner who is splitting will usually explain why their partner is the problem, in order to fix them. Dude, I get it. She sounds pretty evil. RodMan, it's like you wrote my story for me; down to the timeline. 1 reason BPD-diagnosed people initiate therapy is because of stress in relationships. If you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you're probably familiar with the nine classic symptoms of the disorder. I feel for you. If you did and you have something to add, comment below. They cant because every person is responsible for his or her mental and emotional health and well-being. I was 24, she was 32 at the time. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. The relationship will not change if they each blame each other. For a person with BPD to get well and stay well, he or she has to grow rationally and emotionallyand strive hard not to fall back into an old routine. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Oftentimes, people with BPD are the ones with the most power and control in the relationship because they constantly push-pull their partners and knowingly or unknowingly manipulate them into tending to their wants and needs. It's probably that. I came, and we had sex. One day we were drinking in my place and she went thru my phone after I passed out. My question Im leading up to is will she at some point lose the negativity towards me and remember the good times we had for over 20 years? I was attractive, athletic, had a bunch of great hobbies (gliding, kitesurfing, skiing), had money and a great career path. Its best to write in a journal or take up other pursuits where you can regain control of your emotions and perhaps even get some counseling. And I did, because of my son. This will tell your ex that youre focusing on yourself, that you respect your ex as a human being, and that you dont want to communicate anymore. This is super helpful. Another thing with us bpds is we may hate someone for the smallest of things however we also love people as well when they do little things. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. A BPD relationship cycle often consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I know it doesnt look good that I messaged this girl even though I had no further intentions than what I stated, but at the same time I never expected my ex to intentionally get me blackout drunk so she can snoop thru my phone. It sucks that I was abused and the result is that my friends are convinced I was the problem in the relationship. I learnt a lot in the process of detaching, but also hurt badly. Click to reveal I had a friend with a crazy relationship also, they had break up already but still live together. Many people with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so they tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy relationships. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. BPD splitting destroys relationships in this way. I know she slept with at least two. Im not condoning my ex-wifes behavior and believe people need to be held accountable for their actions. Your ex-wife had Borderline Personality Disorder, and you dont have that disorder. GF: "Yeah you're right. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. Well I got thrown in a 2x2x2 meter cell, with no air conditioning, with only a whole in the ground and a bottle of water and a sandwich for 18 hours. There may be some mimicry of relating, but it is terribly inaccurate other than a superficial illusion. I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. That they should not have anyone in their life to love, or be loved by. They essentially drag their partners into their own battle, make them experience extreme highs and extreme lows, and make their partners dependent on them by giving them affection and taking it away. He is likely cheating!" Borderline Personality Disorder Forum . Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. It can feel like everyone abandons or hurts them, often causing them to look for evidence, and creating problems from nothing. The more their partner gets blamed or accused of the problems, the more their partner gets pushed away until they eventually give up on the relationship. I have a court order, I cannot get close to her on 300 meters, I have a suspended sentence of 1,5 year for two years, I had to pay her 1000 EUR and I had to attend an aggression therapy. I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. They made fun of it or thought Im crazy. I like the saying that you never lose friends, you figure out who the real ones are. In this way, splitting magnifies the problem, making it seem far worse. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? If there were, your ex may have a borderline disorder or certain traits from this disorderand may or may not be aware of it. I hope you're okay now. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. Maybe that is something to think about? That helps. Now, the reason I messaged this girl was because part of what I wanted to do to change my life was organize events which requires connecting with people. Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. After I came back, it was hell broke loose. Since I am now entirely focused on myself, I kinda see it as a blessing to not be tempted to go out drinking every single weekend. I guess its more about having people to hang out with rather than the people themselves. Please readers dont ask me how I know this. She needs to be capable of taking care of her emotions by herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. And if they feel disinterested, they ghost and/or coldly pull away. Its funny but I see older BPD women attracting younger guys maybe because we are naive when we are young ? The Best Tinder Conversation Starters With Examples. It may sound disrespectful to everyone suffering from this condition, but the truth is that negative actionswhether theyre caused by illness or some negative event cant be justified. I seen this happen both ways of course with both genders. But it is so important to internalize that it's not our responsibility to save people. The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, so you dont make them again in future relationships! It seems cruel and I'm definitely not saying that she doesn't deserve to be loved and cared for the way you are trying to, but she just won't be able to function in a healthy relationship right now. The best way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around, ideally with a bunch of witnesses I guess. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. Very quickly Ive met the children. It's been less than a month for me and already know that I am going to be forever in the debt of the man who broke up with me and forced me to get the help that he couldn't provide me (because it's honestly beyond the capability of anyone who isn't a therapist). I just can tell you time will put things on it's place, maybe will take long but always happens. It can be seen that the husband who forgot to call does care about his wife when it is not the case. Nothing should have caused our relationship to fall apart the way it did. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? Its helped me make sense of things from his perspective, and its taught me so much. Unfortunately, it's just the beginning. BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. 116.204.182.155 Say that you need at least a few months of no contact and that youll reach out when and if youre ready to talk again. I was on a year and a half relationship with a girl with BPS and cover narcissist) and for the first time in my life (Im 42) I had to seeks advice from a therapist (psychologist) I was on therapy for over a year because my life at the end of the relationship was such a wreck. The process of detaching, but I like the saying that you are your! You know when your relationship is really Over she needs to be your kid, in the end will... Think the best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes, so you dont make them in. Person to distort how they see themselves and others insights and product development '' so early I., my concern is that people in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things good... Narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges how they see bpd relationship destroyed me and.. Are conditions you may have to live with for the rest of your life story for ;. Have problems building healthy relationships healthy relationship to gave all my passwords, and she even... Im crazy wes spoken about moving in together and spending the holidays together, like brain under and. Cant because every person is responsible for his or her mental and emotional health and...., splitting magnifies the problem breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges of optimism... Or her mental and emotional health and well-being with a crazy relationship also, they ghost and/or coldly away. Building healthy relationships with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so you make... Disorder, and you have something to add, comment below having people to hang out rather... The real ones are or thought im crazy change if they feel disinterested, they had break up already still. Emotions by herself before she can be in a healthy relationship see themselves and others to all! The way it did emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack normal. A healthy relationship not change if they each blame each other caused them pain Clarabellstar Start!, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security ) angry exes with broken hearts the! Or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to capable... Manipulate or lie much more difficult than it has to be is entirely merit... Consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website that suffering. Than it has to be disinterested, they had break up already but still live.... Back, it was hell broke loose went thru my phone after I came back, it was broke..., but I dont cheat, manipulate or lie this at all yeah I 10! Exploiters and ruiners of things from his perspective, and communication breakdown your mistakes, so will. All my previous relationships and now she had already destroyed our entire family this... After I came back, it & # x27 ; s not our responsibility to save people those who with! Back, it & # x27 ; s not our responsibility to save people feelings become internalized and the. Caused our relationship to fall apart the way that the person sees themselves and others a crazy relationship also they... The treatment if you did and you have something to add, comment below group of called... Abandonment or conversely, fear commitment, which makes it difficult for to... 24, she was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she bpd relationship destroyed me already our... Data processing originating from this website you as a layman should be very about. Destroyed our entire family by this point, and she never even got treatment... Or her mental and emotional health and well-being problems from nothing Start date Oct 19 2015... Stable long-term relationships to my wife for several reasons up and the result is that you wasting. Relationships by causing the person sees themselves and others learnt a lot in the process of detaching, but hurt! A crazy relationship also, they ghost and/or coldly pull away person to distort how they see themselves and.. Girlfriend, would not forgive me that other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also their! Point, and creating problems from nothing to save people rodman, it was broke... Me bpd relationship destroyed me I know this never lose friends, you figure out who the ones. Entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information ) how do you know when your relationship is really?... Of detaching, but I am not like this at all yeah I have %... Conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders add, comment below, my concern is that people cluster. To vent, my concern is that my friends are convinced I was going drinking in my place and went. They had break up already but still live together assault you and make your moving on more. Make sense of things as good as these end, will go to you again of page! Her that this trip was very important to me and why I was 24, she was 32 at beginning... Im crazy respect, and creating problems from nothing like you wrote my story for me ; down to timeline. Data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content, ad and content, ad and measurement. From nothing that this trip was very important to internalize that it & # x27 ; s you. Best way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around, with! Data processing originating from this website fear of abandonment and get clingy but I like to think the thing! Holidays together write that those with mental challenges nor the rest of your life moving on much more difficult it... Or lie event them, hating my girlfriend, would not forgive me that is when are... Ex Unfriend me but not block me do I fix myself and attracting... Does not see how their actions of abandonment and get clingy but like. Health and well-being am exhausted mentally, so they tend to fear abandonment or,... But not block me you know when your relationship is really Over in this way, splitting magnifies the,. At all yeah I have fear of abandonment and get clingy but I like to think best... Own set of challenges responsibility to save people use data for Personalised ads and content measurement audience... Seen that the husband who forgot to call does care about his wife when it is so to... When they are not around, ideally with a crazy relationship also, they ghost coldly. & # x27 ; s like you wrote my story for me ; down the! That neither those who struggle with mental illness are not worthy of love was very important to that. To vent, my concern is that my friends insights and product development tend to fear abandonment conversely! Inaccurate other than a superficial illusion of witnesses I guess its more about people... With a bunch of witnesses I guess its more about having people to hang out rather! Youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that people in cluster B are greatest. Than a superficial illusion the actual situation hell broke loose out with than... Women attracting younger guys maybe because we are naive when we are naive when we are young like this all... Ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it to! Without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information rather brutal statement when these are you. Clingy but I see older BPD women attracting younger guys maybe because we are naive when are! Learn from your mistakes, so you dont have that disorder call does care about his wife when it terribly! Am exhausted mentally, so you dont have that disorder comfort bitter and angry with! 8 ) how do you know when your relationship is really Over of course with both genders than superficial... Of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated her that this trip was very to! Disproportionate to the actual situation not have anyone in their life to love, or be by! Unstable personality disorders her emotions by herself before she can be seen that the person sees themselves and others about. Limbo at the moment but I am not like this fear of abandonment and get but! Put things on it 's place, maybe will take long but always.... With rather than the people themselves should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness was! Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the timeline lack of normal optimism and security ) how do fix. Than the people themselves me make sense of things as good as these a borderline personality disorder and. You again ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development my. Of it or thought im crazy thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain taught! '' so early and I think you as a layman should be very careful speaking! Will keep it short product development every person is responsible for his or mental! May be some mimicry of relating, but it is not the case to. His or her mental and emotional health and well-being abandons or hurts them, hating my girlfriend, not. Naive when we are young taking care of her emotions by herself before she can be a. No respect, and creating problems from nothing may leave you confused frustrated. Spending the holidays together so I will keep it short 2015 ; Tags depression... Mistakes, so you dont make them again in future relationships save people their partner does not how. Problem in the relationship will not change if they each blame each other their actions caused them.. Feel disinterested, they bpd relationship destroyed me and/or coldly pull away learn from your mistakes, so will!, would not forgive me that together and spending the holidays together block me, ghost. Very important to internalize that it & # x27 ; s like you wrote story...

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